Identity Labels
When I realized that I was part of the sexually queer community, I started to understand more about the world around me. Not only who I was attracted to but also how society viewed gender and relationship norms.
I've never not been part of the queer community. Maybe I didn't exactly know I was queer (since I didn't have the proper language for it) but I did always notice that the way I viewed my relationships was different than my peers, even in elementary school with all those sweet kid talks about crushes. Once I learned more clearly what it was to be queer, it was a quick click. It just made sense.
As time went on, I tried on many many labels for my sexuality. Bisexual, lesbian, pansexual, demisexual, asexual, gay, queer, bi again… and on and on. For me, sexuality wasn't something that I figured out once and it stuck - it was a topic that came up again and again. I spent many nights trying to pinpoint what gender I was attracted to, where my options were, what and who I really wanted. I could never quite land on the right label.
I realized towards the end of high school that it didn't really matter what label I used. I didn't particularly care who I was attracted to. I knew that if I liked someone I'd like them, simple as that (though relationships are rarely actually that simple). Their gender became almost irrelevant. Sure, I still had a type, but I decided I didn't owe anyone a specific label for my sexuality and became comfortable just saying I was queer. Stepping away from the pressure of labeling myself for the benefit of others was very liberating.
I wish labels weren't such a strongly relied on concept. Gender and sexuality are both a spectrum and putting pressure on people to figure out where EXACTLY they are on that spectrum doesn't do anyone any good. I believe that with future change, this idea of labels and boxes will melt away because the future is not binary.
Don't get me wrong, labels can be an amazing tool to express your identity and share it with others and if putting a name to the feelings helps you better understand yourself, then that's AWESOME! Some people find peace and security in nailing down a label for how they are feeling, and labels can often help guide relationships goals and expectations.
However, there's a lot of pressure around the idea that once you place a label on yourself, you have to stick to it. A label is simply an easy way to explain your inner feelings to others on a surface level. It isn't set in stone and it can change as you do. Self discovery is not linear and labels shouldn't be either. As a society, it should become more normalized to change our mind or discover something new about ourselves. There are some people who happen to get their identity label right on the first go around, but the majority don't. I especially didn't. I jumped all over the place, trying to figure out what labels fit me until I settled on the ones I have now! And even those may change in the future.
You don't have to put a label on yourself if you don't want to. Your identity and place within the community is always valid, no matter what vocabulary you chose (or chose not) to use. Being queer is queer enough.
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